As I enter new items into my résumé, and realize what I've accomplished since I returned to acting in the winter of 2009, I am astounded to see how much work I've done, how many places I've been, and how many people I've encountered. I once thought I wouldn't be cast in commercials, and yet I filmed three in 6 months. I wasn't always sure how my children might play a part in this endeavor, not wanting to push them into it or make it their passion just because it was mine. However, I've gladly discovered they are just right for the business, and they have now all been paid as little professionals, working the cameras, changing wardrobes, being cast back to back, and auditioning as a family again. I am extremely proud that they are participating in performance classes as well, and it dawns on me that my children live so very differently than those who play sports, or who go to school, or just live as most in society live. I am in awe, really, that I made it all happen after all!
Looking forward then provides me with a new insight that I haven't had before. I look forward to new additions to my résumé, especially in the Voice Over field, and hopefully some period pieces to boot. Auditioning since I have been working with Clifton Powell and since I've been reading Michael Shurtleff's book on how to audition is now a no-brainer. I was always trying to infuse more than necessary, but reading Shurtleff and listening to Cliff made me realize the ME they were looking at needed to be ME. Bryan Cranston's answer to a question about auditioning and what he would say to actors was brilliant- do your best, then let it go, move on, keep going. If you get the part, great, if not, well, you did your best. But looking ahead has become quite a different role for me since discovering the life inside. Time to adjust, again. This word has played a huge a part of my life over the last few years. Well, truth be told, I'm sure it has run my life and I've simply not known it until the past few years. I am constantly finding synchronicity in my world, and one weekend in August was a result of that.
A year ago, I auditioned for Clifton Powell to be an extra in The North Star. Unlike other large casting calls, this one was special. We were told to bring a monologue or we could read the sides. Well, the sides didn't fit me, so I chose to do a monologue I had written myself. The first time ever using it in front of anyone. After 6 hours of waiting (luckily we had numbers so we weren't standing in line- it was a nice place to hang out and even with two children in tow, we didn't mind at all) I was led into the room and saw several cameras, many lights, and at least 15 people on the production team. Oh- this is bigger than I realized, I thought. Earlier that morning, Mr. Powell had come through and shaken our hands and said hello, and I only knew who he was because I'd done my homework. I hadn't seen any of his major movies, and so even though I found out he was well known, I didn't know him or his work myself. Being a Hollywood actor, I thought he was only there for a photo promo for the film, but as I stepped in to audition, I realized I was auditioning for him. What happened next would change the trajectory of how I perceived myself, my acting, my position in this field. It was like a dance. I spoke, he stopped me, redirected me, then told me to keep going and just do as he said. I did. I have never been directed like that before, and my eyes were locked on his, and his on mine, and we were tangoing through the monologue as I felt more and more powerful with every word. I didn't even finish the monologue, but I knew at once it wasn't because I had done poorly, but rather well. Mr. Powell said I took direction well and asked me many questions I had a hard time answering. Now I know better. But a year went by, I didn't get a part in The North Star (and didn't mind, because to this day it was the most breathtaking audition I've ever had), and I said on my birthday I wanted to find Clifton Powell. Ask him if he remembered me, see what kind of new things I could possibly learn from him. I was cautioned against this, and then two weeks later discovered a post on a random Facebook wall I never go to that Clifton Powell was coming to the area. I immediately signed up for the very reasonable class, thinking I would get more training. When the class got postponed, and I was told there was a Boot Camp in Philly I could attend, I asked the difference in the classes. Ironically, or maybe not, the Philly class was really what I wanted. So I went. And I did not regret a moment of time (so many hours upon hours working with Clifton Powell), and I benefited so fully from this workshop that I took some private lessons, too. Clifton Powell allowed me to open up my world and understand it was time to focus on the thing I loved and wanted to be and do- and since then, I've had incredible auditions every time. I've never felt so comfortable walking into a room and slating my name, or giving information about myself. And the result? Booking jobs. And the jobs I do book are easier to work on even. I just finished filming with WILL Interactive on another film, and the amount of emotion that went into the scenes- none of it was forced. I felt so good about the scenes afterwards- during I was just there- in the moment- exactly what I think acting should be. I booked a commercial within two hours of the audition and film that one tomorrow. I feel like I'm finally the professional I was meant to be. Synchronicity began showing itself 4 years ago- and since then, I've done nothing but move forward. Auditions are thought of as an actor's way to showcase in a short amount of time what has taken a while to perfect/hone. This, of course, is absurd in some ways, and necessary in others. A former director of mine has commented that perhaps we should ask the directors to direct something right there- though I agree wholeheartedly with this sentiment, I'm not sure that would go over so well......
That having been said, I read a Goethe quote on a new Facebook friend's page that sat perfectly with how I'm addressing my life as of late: Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe So there- I'm going to be bold and the world will like it. As I enter my first blog ever, on my first ever website, I wonder where this will all take me. But I know for certain that this quest is worthwhile.
For one, as a child there were things I was unaware of as being "abnormal"- there were ways I believed that for a child at that age showed more chutzpah than I realized. I always knew what I would be. I never doubted for one minute, until real life occurred and doubters and naysayers- well, no, really that was only me that swayed my opinion any. But now I'm back. I was lost for a long while. I was 5 when I did my first commercial. I remember it was so easy. I had no fear of the cameras, I directed people on set to be quiet, I had a place and it was mine. I didn't know at the time that it was my destiny. But when I was 9 and performed in front of a 500 seat theatre in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, again, I had no fear. I wasn't nervous. I was excited. I loved every minute of it. When I was 10, I decided I wanted to marry Michael J. Fox. I didn't like him so much in "Family Ties", but man he won my heart in "Back to the Future". I was smitten. And I knew if I wanted to marry him, I should become an actress- I liked it anyway. I was nervous though- after all, MJF was only 5'4", and my brother and sister were already both very tall. What would I do as a wife that was twice his size? Well, I didn't need to worry, because after growing three inches before 6th grade and towering over everyone, I stopped, and by 8th grade I was a runt. I grew again, but not much, and MJF got married anyway. By that time, my choice of career was settled. I auditioned and entered a performing arts high school (Pebblebrook-Cobb County Center for Excellence in the Performing Arts, or CCCEPA- you should check them out). This school was then, and is more so now, a breeding ground for talent. When a counselor told my mother I simply had stars in my eyes and should rather look at a real career, however, my mother firmly said, "And what's wrong with having stars in your eyes?" I didn't know then how important a mother's support really was. I've met many since who weren't so lucky. So that's why I say it was my own naysaying that took me far away from acting. My first audition in college went badly. Very, very badly. I didn't know the script, I was a freshman, and I had never been so nervous at an audition. Besides, I was used to having lead roles- Juliet at the age of 14, Olivia from Twelfth Night at the age of 17, Bessie from Marvin's Room, and pretty much anything else we had going on. The defeat took me far away. So when I had a bad breakup and ended up in Tae Kwon Do, I knew I couldn't do both at night, so I chose Tae Kwon Do. I don't regret it. I learned a lot. I became a different person, one who knew how to stand tall no matter what, one with a strong voice of confidence that hadn't been there before, and one who knew my life of acting was done. Well, that last statement lasted for over 10 more years. I cultivated a private school, a family, a home. I cultivated a different life than I'd ever set out for. And then we moved- away from family, away from the school, away from reality. The reality that had become my life. Before moving I'd started reconnecting with my performing arts friends, and if I hadn't met my friend Elise for coffee, who knows where I'd be now? I knew we were all meeting again for a reason. And I started bringing people together. That's what I do- I organize. When I say I want to do something, I do it. Come Hell or high water- it will get done. So we had a performing arts reunion. Ten years of graduates- actors, dancers, singers- well, mostly actors showed up, go figure. But it was being with these people that had inspired me so long ago that I felt alive again. I knew I'd been living a lie in regard to who I really was, or at least that the one part of me that I was born with I had pushed so far away that I'd forgotten about her. I had to be an actress. And now. But how? I returned home and started trying to realize how I would juggle three small children, a job from home, a husband who travels and works odd hours- and ultimately live out my dream. I couldn't wait- no- I had made this decision, and so everything started falling in place. I met a woman who became my photographer and one of my best friends. Paulette Junge (www.feelprettyfotos.com) is an amazing photographer and friend, and within a month of my decision, I met her, had headshots done, went for a couple auditions, and I landed my first role as Violet Peterson in It's a Wonderful Life. And my two daughters got roles too! How convenient. And so it began. I haven't stopped since. That was in 2009. Since then, my acting career has taken a different road, and I am now acting primarily in film and TV, creating my own projects along the way. Acting is a way of life and it is not going to be pushed away again. I know now what I want, and I am on a mission. Something is brewing, and I like it.
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AuthorThere is a time and place for everything, and now is the time, I just have to make the place. Archives
April 2015
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